This father’s day is the first one that takes on a whole new meaning for me, being the first since the passing of my father. I’ve always tried my best to empathize with friends who have already suffered this loss, but I guess there’s no real way to do that. You eventually start to realize that time may not fill the hole that is left from the sudden loss. It’s an unfortunate part of life that we must eventually lose the ones dearest to us if we live long enough. The only positive side to this fact, if there is one, is that we get to take the best of our lost loved ones with us as they and their memory become a larger part of who we are. My dad gave me plenty of “best” to take with me.
My childhood was filled with the things that he taught me. How to ride a bicycle. How to mow a yard. How to shoot a rifle. How to drive a car. How to fix a car and build an engine. How to build things with wood. How to grow a garden. This list can go on and on. He had a great sense of humor and loved to joke around, and this became a strong part of my personality at a young age. He loved to tease my mother in a way that can only happen between two people who truly love each other.
He loved trains and fast cars. When I was a kid he built a model railroad that I helped him with. We never finished the scenery, but much of the track was laid and it was fun playing with the trains. As a teenager, he bought an old engine for my car that we rebuilt together. He had worked as a mechanic when he was young and guided me through the entire process of building the engine and putting it in the car.
Of course everything wasn’t perfect, but I don’t believe anything, especially life, was meant to be perfect. As I became a teenager and started to think I knew everything, we started to argue occasionally. I know I gave him a lot of sleepless nights (my mom, too). Looking back, I can see that it was because I started to focus more on how we were different instead of what we had in common. However, no matter what, he was always there for me and always supported me when I needed it. He always let me know that I was loved.
I mention these things because, looking around, it seems that my experience growing up was similar to that of many others. There comes a point in many people’s lives when they start focusing on differences instead of similarities in their relationships. Sometimes a difference may need to be acknowledged, but that’s no reason to stop focusing on the similarities.
His passing was sudden, but that’s the way it goes. No one knows when their time will be up. He was sent to the hospital for high blood pressure on a Thursday and passed away the following Monday, 4 days later. He had appeared fine up until then. I was lucky enough to get to spend some time alone with him on that Friday night. He seemed as if he knew his time left on this earth was about to end, and he was ok with that. He had already told my mother that he had lived a full and happy life. He told me that he was proud of me and my brother and sister, and that he loved us all. He also reminisced about some of the times he had lovingly teased my mother, and told me how much he’s always loved her. When I saw him again he was on medication and in and out of consciousness, so I wasn’t able to talk with him as much. He passed away the following Monday morning of November 7, 2017 at the age of 72.
I was very lucky to have the father I had. His actions showed me how to be a man and his life showed me how hard work, persistence and patience pay off. I will be happy if I am half the father to my two sons that my dad was to me. I will always miss him and our time together dearly.
We live in a very divisive world. This is just a Father’s Day reminder that we should spend more time focusing on what we have in common and less on how we are different. I am far from perfect at it but I am constantly doing what I can to improve.